Thursday, December 16, 2004

my goodbye.

yes, i am going to leave this place. so i'm going to give my one last post. a sort-of tribute before i go, before i delete this blog from the internet entirely.


it feels kind of funny leaving this space that i set up approximately 2 years ago. but i'm not much of a person who hold on to things very tightly because in me, there's this thing which keeps on saying that if i hold on too tightly, things will eventually slip away. i don't know if that makes sense, but all my life, that's just how i feel about stuff and it's a sad thing because with such a thought instilled in my mind, i can never be able to secure a relationship for very long unless its with my family. and even then, the bonds are very loose. i hardly know them anymore.


this space on the virtual reality more or less took part in certain revolutions in my life. my ups and downs, my confusion, my happiness, my breakups and my teenage angst. there's a bit of everything in this space, and it's difficult for me to let go, come to think about it. it's like trying to erase my memory. but of course, in reality, the memory, those school girl days are right inside my head. its up to me whether i want to retrive them or not. the difference is that, it wouldn't be as easy as clicking the archive pages. i would have to recollect the moments slowly and there may be things that i wouldn't remember at all.


upon completing reading the novel memoirs of a geisha, i realised that life isn't just an everyday thing. and who am i to jot down my day-to-day living here on the virtual reality? i'm no one special. i'm just as mundane as a television set in every home. in fact, i think that television sets have better lifestyles than me. they bring joy to people. they bring entertainment. i just bring subjects of mass unconcerns to your lives. if i'm ever to tell the story of my life again, then i'd be presenting it in a novel. and then, i would be proud of it because the only reason for my to publish my memoirs is because i have made a difference. and i intend to make a difference, for once.


the reason i started this blog was because i want to be heard. and also because the trend of having an online diary was increasing and i didn't want to be left behind. anyhows, i can count the number of times people actually cared for the way i feel. i can count the number of times, friends approach me because they read and they care and not because they want me to create a new layout for them or to host their pictures or for html guidance or whatsoever. but i am never heard. nope. i don't have friends close enough to be enjoying that privelage. i don't have publicity good enough for strangers to come and READ my blog, instead of commenting on how the layout looks or how sucky it is. the main objective of this blog has never been reached. so i'll just have to stop it.


i'll be off, somewhere. seclude myself. i shall still jot down my private thoughts. but no more in this realm. too much pressure, too many things to consider before i can finally click the publish button to expose my entries. and even if i make my blog private, it'd be of no difference to having my own secret diary. in fact, i'd be saving electrical energy if i kept a secret diary instead of an online one. i just can't be myself anymore when i'm here. might as well don't present myself anymore.


i'd like to thank all those who have helped me in one way or another in this blogging world. the layouts, the html, the thoughts, the critics.. everything. you guys can still contact me through msn, that is if you have my contact. i don't usually pass out my email. so leave me a tag. and just maybe i'll get back to ya.


so i'm gonna go now. this place is gonna be gone in a month. so yeah. goodbye forever.


died-ed at 7:30 pm
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Sunday, December 12, 2004

balooness.

KL WAS THA BOMB! <3 ain't in the mood to type it all right now, so maybe i shall just post the pictures up one fine day when i'm in the mood and let the pictures do all the talking. well, a picture speaks a thousand words. i have tons. so yeah.


you know what? i can't blog on this space anymore. i'm moving.


died-ed at 1:47 pm
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