Saturday, June 12, 2004

aye?

we just spring cleaned this cell of ours so that it'll appear impressive to them brunei people when they come for dinner later. an impressive bunch of brunei people. dad says that tha dude its the guy in charge of the national museum over at his hometown. rather impressive. maybe i'll be that one day. but a curator. history? never. aye.






will i ever get over you? it's been two years. two long years since we parted. and this longing in my heart for you is still right here. you were always there for me when things messed up, you were there for me when math problems were giving me a hard time, you were there for me all time, even though you were doing something else, even though you were tired, even though you had problems of your own. you were there for me, like i was there for you. then things suddenly changed. all those months of holding on, all those months of being there and taking care of each other suddenly disappeared. you changed. you were awkward. then i felt awkward too. no, i didn't feel awkward. i felt as if i was clapping with one hand. and right i was, because you found another. and your significant other was a very close friend. i won't say that i wasn't hurt, or i wasn't jealous. cos then i'd be lying to the both of you and to myself. reluctantly, i let you go. it really did hurt me bad. and what hurts me even more is knowing that my sacrifice was a waste. cos you guys lost it all.


now, when i see you online, i have that longing to tell you everything. how i spent every single day for months wondering what went wrong. how i tried not to regret introducing her to you. how i wish that you'd call me and we'd start all over again. but i shall never tell you how i feel. i shall never tell you how my heart still aches for you. i shall never tell you anything. because i'm sure you wouldn't want to know either. and even if you do, nothing's going to happen. i don't want to be the fool again. i want to forget it all. i want to forget you. and that appears to be quite a challenge.




sorry peeps for being so emo. yeah.


died-ed at 3:53 pm
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Friday, June 11, 2004

secret admirer.

my secret admirer vectorised me and gave me some fringe and i think that it is muchos nice of her for helping me with the thing because i couldn't figure nuts about vectorising the darn thing using illustrator. so, the resemblence that i see is my hair, my chin(this is after kak hani pointed out and after spending half an hour staring just at the chin.), and a lil on my eyes. heh, shaQ, now i see how i inherit my dad's eyes. lol. my dad's nice eye colour and my mom's cheenah eyes. blehz. aaaaanyways, all the gratitude, the credit, the applause, the standing ovation goes to NINI!!! yeah. luffya muchos babe. now all i owe you is.. coffee bean. heh.


aanyway, i managed to get a couple of winks last night.(yeah yeah, me and my insomnia thangy agai. will i every shut about it? uh, no?) but before that, kak hani sent me this message via sms:

"Hey you know what..

I'd expect you to be someone in the future..

Somebody worthy..

Cos you realize what life would belike for people who spend the rest of their lives in mundane existance and I'm sure you won't let that happen to you..

Cos the saddest thing will be for people who have insight and let it pass them by..

Apart from that, good night!"


i was.. speechless for a while. yeah. at least someone has faith in me. :)


lalalalala.. may, don't get jealous i said i loved nini.. i still love you lah mi amo.. -blushes like..alot-


died-ed at 9:22 am
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Thursday, June 10, 2004

n4 cluster art exhibition

n4 cluster art exhibition was "+h3 l337!!!11" heh. actually, there weren't a lot of school students there. the majority was from bowen, nan chiao(duh), sengkang and yeah. that's the majority. who the hell cares for the minority anyways. us bowenians were a bunch of over-enthu pupils and teachers who are all hard core cases of being camera whores. heh. heh. jun hao was super good-looking yesterday. -melts-. so was *******. ahaha. i hope they shall never find my blog. or else i'd die of humilation. anyway, i uploaded the pictures for my dearest shan last night.(ya, ya, everything i do, i do it for her. blah.) so if u kiddos want to view us cam whores and some of the muchos funkeh art shiznits, click here.. its under.. "n4 cluster art exhbition" album. duh.


i really think i'm suffering from insomnia. i didn't sleep at all last night. i tossed and turn from 2.45 a.m. all the way till 5.33 am, which is the time dad woke me up for morning prayers. and then i tossed and turn till i saw first light and i think i fell asleep until 9.30, momma had to knock on my door to find the spray thingy so she can iron her suit. and then i couldn't go back to sleep. so i trimmed my nails.


gosh, i do have alot of things in my head. and they are endless and merciless. i lay on my bed last night. trying very hard to get inner peace and then some stupid scene from harry potter came into my mind. then i pushed it aside. i think my mind has this automatic play button because suddenly what i did for the whole day played right before me and i felt guilty not studying for chem and physics and started to worry about what is going to happen if i'm not able to finish the syllabus by mid year and stuff. that led to the fear of my o levels, and then my future. gosh it went on and on. you know, i'd very much like to take a dagger and stuff it straight through my chest. so i can sleep, at least.


died-ed at 9:44 am
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Wednesday, June 09, 2004

insomniac

hello kiddos, so i'm back with yet another picture edit thangy. love this one muchos. okay, i've been using that word over a gazillion times these days. i guess i need a new change of vocabulary altogether. gosh, my dictionary is getting thinner and thinner by the day. this is very.. irritating. heh.


some asshole called me in the middle of the night last night, and then said that he just robbed a bank and that he'll be going to jail the very next day and won't be able to contact me until 2 years and told me to take care. i just replied,"whatever" and put down the phone. and tried very hard to get back to sleep but i couldn't until a couple of hours later. so, in between that couple of hours was the frequent visits to the washroom, then retreating to my room to toss and turn of my bed, then to the washroom, then to the computer, then to my room again, then to the washroom again and then to the computer and then to my room and tossed and turned again for EONS and then read my book until i finally managed to fall asleep. and half an hour later, dad woke me up to do my morning prayers. grr.


i didn't jogged today. -slaps self- i slept all the way till ten. i told dad about my chronic inability to fall asleep or remain asleep for an adequate length of time and he said that i've got waaaaaaaay too much on my mind. heh. i don't know what's wrong with me. have always found it difficult to sleep and absolutely easy to wake up; even if its the softest of sounds that have been produced. okay, if there's just so much on my mind, what is it exactly that's on my mind? dad said i should find some peace, or something like that. geez. if only it's that simple. i want to sleep, sleep, sleep and sleep for an ADEQUATE length of time. i don't like naps; cos there's always that endless string of distractions. thus, i'd like to conclude that i'm suffering from insomnia. i'm an insomniac. yeay.


so now, i think imma bathe(haha, yeah, i haven't), get those nachos from wherever, dry my hair and figure how to wear it later on, and uhh, get my ass to that art exhibition thangy.




died-ed at 1:25 pm
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Tuesday, June 08, 2004

heh.

hello people. today, i'm the over-enthusiastic girl who's extremely excited and looking forward to the north-zone cluster art exhibition that's going to be held at that "principle-sacked" school tomorrow. blah. that was so freaking pseudo. but i AM excited... to see the whole damn mounted thing. i mean my piece is only a part of the whole acrylic collage thangy. i want to see how everyone else's painting was collaborated(?) together and stuff. yeah.


*points to those slutty minahs and those act-big mats* now, need i elaborate more on my big, fat disgust for my own race? i hurts me to see many people of my own race selling themselves short like that. it's no wonder the malay community isn't prospering like the others. what a shame. an utter shame. i'm not looking down at my own community, i'm just so ashamed that i belong to this community. the elders are trying very hard to flourish the reputation of the malay community and teenagers are tring their best to raise the abortion rate every year. how.. impressive. i shall not say more. "it's wrong to scold the stupid for being dumb, but right to blame the clever for not leading".. but if the clever have been leading all this while, and the stupid choose not to follow, then we all know who's to blame now, don't we?


now, for a slight mood change...


i've forgotten what it feels like to feel normal

to be normal

and I've forgotten what food tastes like

the way it tastes right

the taste buds taste right

well, I wake up in so much spit and sweat

it is not normal

what is normal?

well, I go to bed

when I wake up

after cleaning all

all the spit and sweat...


i just love this song muchos.


died-ed at 8:28 pm
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Monday, June 07, 2004

aye?

i'm eating the petit miam(whatever the brand) strawberry youghurt. and halfway through i saw the expiry date. which is tomorrow. i guess it's safe to eat. the worst that can happen to me is.. frequent visits to the washroom.


i don't mind that, considering that today we're revising on Twelfth Night for lit. and shan's not coming because she's got an appointment with her othrodontist. and so's jason cos he claimed it'd be of no use because he haven't got the holiday assignment. and prolly half the class cos no one bothers about lit anymore and betsy won't be there to teach physics today. i think. a bunch of slacker students in a hopeless school. it's okay. i'll make my way up somehow.


my posts are getting from bad to worse by the days. first, i run out of topics, then i keep on posting redundant posts.. i hope i won't get back to those "post-your-life" kind of days. geez. that would be so.. sad. but what the heck.


sunny didn't get the idol thangy. it's kay bro. u've still got me man. yeah. me and peifen. yeah. k, that sounded corny.


SHAQ, I BLURDY MISS YA HUNNEY. DUDE, GET YOUR ASS TO SCHOOL. LAST TIME I HEARD, WE BOTH NEEDED A HUG. SO.. COME TO SCHOOL ALREADY.


the youghurt is starting to taste funny. and i have exactly 7 minutes to reach that alma mater(sp?) of mine. so totally gotta start making every experience educational.


died-ed at 7:41 am
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Sunday, June 06, 2004

talalalala

click on the image would ya, kids? you can see the pixelated stuff better and stuff. yeah. finally i got this thing right(slow, i know). only that i cannot figure the one she adds colour and stuff. the nevay tutorials are quite okay i guess. heh. i sooo sound like a loser tryinna figure out photoshop and html and the internet. or whatever. heh. i think i should start on my elementary maths work and stuff. but it's sunday and i'm too lazy and i wanna go out and accompany sunny for the auditions today(yeah yeah, the auditions extended till today cos there were too many people).. sunny's sooo gonna make it..


i just sounded like an over-enthu biatch. eww. got nothing to thrash about. life's pretty meaningless and love's all rubbish to me right now. and family's still very... effed. so, what really makes the world go round? for me, it's just me. yeah. for now. just me. and me.


died-ed at 9:30 am
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