Saturday, May 15, 2004

karma.

i think my karma is going from bad to worse. not that i've been having good karma at all but yeah. i'm having bad karma. my recent posts are proof of such.


but i don't really believe in karma. so what does that lead me to? what do all those bad feelings and mishappenings lead me to? how come they are happening to me? i mean, jeez man. jeez. will someone show me a sign of some sort? i need a sign.


as a muslim, am i supposed to believe in karma? i mean karma is fate or destiny right? we're supposed to believe in that right?


maybe i'll stumble upon the answeres one day. one day when i'm not really bothered over such stuff. serendipity. serendipity, serendipity, serendipity.


oh, serendipity.


died-ed at 8:24 pm
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Thursday, May 13, 2004

people.

it hurts me that you don't know that you're bloody irritating. but i'm just too kind a person to realise that it'll bloody hurt you even more if i tell it to you straight into your face.


i don't know what's up with me and my recent obsession of dissing people, but i guess it's just part of this stage of mental discombobulation that i cannot explain, even with the forces of the universe.


thank god its thursday. cos then it'll be friday tomorrow. the day that i'll be going to school just for an hour of english language and then slack for the rest of the day till school lets out for the phreaking weekend, of which i feel that i'll spend rotting at home or get my takoyaki sidekick to go and grab some balls. and that also means that i do not have to complete any extra educational exercises by tonight, thus allowing me to slack my ass off like i've never done since monday night. and that, for a slacker like me, is a long time. thank you very much.


i still want you to get the bloody hell out of my life. or just leave me alone if that's such a task for you to do.


died-ed at 6:39 pm
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Tuesday, May 11, 2004

revamped.

blogger revamped. so yeah. and my haloscan comments link is missing. so screw it.


i hate people who take me for granted. take it for granted that i'll do things for them. take it for granted that i can take their lame-ered jokes. take it for granted that i'm rather laid back and couldn't be bothered to fight back unless necessary. they take my kindness for granted, take my friendship for granted and tried to step all over my head. take it for granted that i'm the type who keeps it all inside and suffer on my own.


they don't know my hatred for them grows, day by day; each time they keep on persisting on asking me to do stuff for them, and quick, the blurdy hatred just grows. they don't seem to know the meaning of patience and than when you asked people to do favours for you, its only polite to be patient and wait and repeat profusely of the thing that they are supposed to do. my,my, if its so urgent, go and bloody get it done yourself. if you're so good, so much better than me, performing much better than me, then go and bloody do it on your own. don't come and bloody ask for my help. evidently, you don't need it and i don't wish to waste any of my energy on people like you. so go and bug someone else.


i hate people who thinks that just because i'm very quiet about stuff, i'm emotionless. i hate it when people just say something and just assume that i can take it as a joke. there are things that i can tolerate and things that i can't. so too bad if one day i'll blow my top and go report whatever you have said and declare it as a verbal offensive act. now, who would have thought that your stupid, insensitive lame joke can turn out to be so serious..? for some reason, i don't really like your guts anymore. would you kindly go and bug someone else?


you are the source of inspiration for my anger and vengeance. you are my sole inspiration for every hatred in me. its because of you, i learn how to swear. its because of you, my command in sacarsm increases by the day. its because of you, my mind has started its very weird habits of creating templates of ways to humilate other people whenever i haven't got anything to do. its because of your stupid act, i feel so disgusted that i even got to know you. its because of your stupid act i feel so phreakingly disgusted that i even bothered to dedicate a post just to express my hatred for you. will you bloody get the hell out of my life and bug someone else?


sorry people but some imbecile has got me agitated and i won't go around the house screaming "FUCK YOU *************". anyways, the censored name, the asteriks(sp?) aren't typed to scale.


died-ed at 9:00 pm
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Sunday, May 09, 2004

eccentric.

i am simply weird. simply eccentric, abberent, quiant, pecular. i am simply nutty. i'm not the sort who is like the norm. i'm not the sort of girl who loves those hamsters and dogs and cats and fishes or what crap. i'm not the sort of girl who loves all those pink hearts, yellow flowers, tulips, red roses and such. not the sort who loves happy house or hallmark but darkhorse and emily strange and penny dreadful and stuff. i'm not the sort of girl who likes to go "oooh, that is like sooo cute! like totally!" and go gaga over above-than-average-looking kind of guys. i don't own a little black book, in which there'll be my whole lifetime schedule. my life is made out of segments of time, often which i end up wondering how they were lost. many times i forget the things i've done, or why i did it in the first place.


i don't know why i suggested watching a movie on the player when not even a quater way through the flick, i'll end up in my room, snoring with the radio on. and when a particular song was just about to end, i'll wake up, humming along and then try very hard to go back to lala-land but to no avail. then i'll smash the radio and stare at the ceiling, wondering what to do next. i don't know why i'm the sort who finds pleasure in watching pain. watching and experiencing pain. i don't know why i feel so heartless at times, and why i feel extra super-dee-dooperly sensitive at other instances. i don't know why i hate britney spears so much. but i'm absolutely into her new song. i just don't know why.


sometimes i feel like i'm alienated from my own mind, body, soul. i'm a stranger to my own feelings. sometimes i stare at an empty space, stare at the ceiling fan, just observing things. the fan, spinning and spinning and spinning, the endless cycle just as long as the circuit never breaks. the fan, is like love. love is passed on and on. felt by everyone. the connection, never breaks, however. the connection never breaks even though someone has passed on. it never breaks. until you allow it to.


as much as i don't know myself. and how i feel. i don't know why i wrote such a post. but that'll do for now. i'm blardie.....weird.


died-ed at 1:03 pm
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