Saturday, April 24, 2004

talk the walk.

"i'm afraid hope is an indulgence i don't have time for".. as simple line from a movie i have never learnt to at least understand. a simple line that i got from a movie that i wasn't even watching, but catched my attention. a simple line that got me thinking. hope. to wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment. to wish. to wish and to expect. wishes hardly come true. expectations, often an understatement. you'll never know what you'll recieve when you expect something from somebody, even yourself. and fulfillment differs for each and every individual. how would you know what you do will fulfill yourself as well as others..? what i realise from that simple line is that, life doesn't go on if you continue hoping. life doesn't go on if you keep expecting things from people, keep expecting things from yourself. keep expecting things will aways go your way. you've gotta do things for yourself. for that fulfillment. you gotta work hard for that fulfillment. and that just sucks at times. but hey, expecting something from people, you'll never know what you'll get. so i'd rather work my ass off, rather than get disappointed now, would i?


i shall never hope ever again. even if hoping sometimes helps the day to go by..


died-ed at 5:00 pm
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Friday, April 23, 2004

baked beans and scrambled eggs. <3

baked beans and scrambled eggs, i love you both. <3<3


i have no idea why i am the type of person who love pleasing others but just can't seem to please herself. i have no idea why i'm the type of person who finds smiles on other people's faces delightful, but smiles on my own face very rare, very odd, very un-me. i have no idea why i'm the type of person who hates to see other people get hurt, physically or emotionally, but i love to hurt myself. i have no idea why i feel that people that hurt other people are cruel, and me hurting myself, is pleasure. i have no idea why. i have no idea why. i have no idea why. i have no idea why people talk and look at me as if they know me. when i don't even know myself.




you're just so stupid. stupid stupid stupid. STUPIDITY TO THE NTH POWER. STOP BOTHERING ME U ASSHOLE. don't you have other people to hang on to, you leech? eek, get away from me! you're causing me serious mental harm!! GO GO GO!!! HAVEN'T YOU HAD ENOUGH TALKING THINGS BEHIND MY BACK?! why won't you stop your stupid act? you're bad-made-for-tv. even teletubbies know how to act better than you. YOU THINK I'LL BELIEVE YOU?! i believe alright. i believe calling you stupid will be an insult to all stupid people. why won't you fucking go away? haven't you ever heard of the word "ENOUGH"? i've had enough of you, i've had enough of all you freaking backstabbers, i've had enough of you drifters. why don't you all just get the fuck out of my life?


died-ed at 6:32 pm
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Monday, April 19, 2004

drain-ed.

i was going to post something really positive today. but i had to back to the pathetic house of where my pathetic life begins. i'd stay in school forever if i could.


I walked across an empty land

I knew the pathway like the back of my handM

I felt the earth beneath my feet

Sat by the river and it made me complete


Oh simple thing where have you gone

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin


I came across a fallen tree

I felt the branches of it looking at me

Is this the place we used to love?

Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?


Oh simple thing where have you gone

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin


So if you have a minute why don't we go

Talk about it somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything

So why don't we go

Somewhere only we know?


Oh simple thing where have you gone

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin


So if you have a minute why don't we go

Talk about it somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything

So why don't we go

Somewhere only we know?


This could be the end of everything

So why don't we go

Somewhere only we know?


i'm sorry aznita i slashed myself again. i know i promised you not to do so. but i couldn't help it.


died-ed at 6:02 pm
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Sunday, April 18, 2004

bliss.

i love you. (:


i'm really afraid to feel like the way they do in those mushy, mushy romance novels. i really hate to think that someday, i'll be like them characters, thinking of you during classes, getting butterflies in my stomach whenever you come across my mind, the constant flirty gestures that we'll exchange. cos i know i'm not like that. i hope i won't be like that when that vague, vague feeling come crossing my way. and i really hate to think that to love you, is to trust my heart with you. and that you have the choice whether to hold it dear or break it eventually. pls don't do the latter.


cos i still love you anyway. <3<3


died-ed at 4:57 pm
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