__dropdead++

Sunday, March 07, 2004

silence is deafening.

before that,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARGARETH HILDA SUGIARTO.

silence is engulfing the emptiness of the house. other than the keyboard, the ticking of the clock hands and my sister's occasional movements, i hear nothing. and when everything is still, my ear starts ringing and ringing and ringing, inviting migraines and panadols.

i've got to escape.

art is the only way.

died-ed at 2:53 pm
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Saturday, March 06, 2004

bent.

i told fazli today that my family's just made up of my sisters and me. now i realise i was wrong. my family's made up of only me. now i know what has been missing inside me. family. indirectly, we are falling apart. everyone is caught up with their own lives. my parents with their work 24/7.. my brother, i don't even know what he does other than going to work and meeting his girlfriend. my sisters with their own friends and activities. and me.. i don't even know how i spend my time. my life is like a mirage. i can see it. but its not there. there's no reality in me. every single part of me is just a pseudoysm. this morning, the lecturer said that one of the main needs for one to excel is home support. i do have a house to live in, with all the gadgets that i need. what i don't have is a home with all the love the family has to offer.

then i guess what i wrote for my cambridge art personal message is correct afterall. we are zombies of our own. we work for things that we don't really need or want. we loosen the strong ties that we once had for acheivements that even after accomplishing them, we don't feel the exhiliration. failure is seen as an ugly thing, not something to learn from. and success determines flawlessness. smiles are never noticed and frowns are often rubbed in. only 6 dinners together every year, and even that seems to be a chore, a condition of some kind. now, i sit at a corner, alone, confused about the way i feel, the feeling that i should be feeling. am i gratified with my life..? is this what they want us to be..? all i can see now is that we are falling apart. we are drifting away from each other..

and what i am really scared of is that i'm afraid i'm the only one noticing this.

died-ed at 6:46 pm
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*yawns*

its six twenty-seven in the morning. and i'm already up. in my school tee and my school skirt and my most comfy pair of ankle socks and my shoes. bwaha. i'm early. and hungry. hungry. hungry. anyways, gonna meet them girls, and guys i think, at sk mrt at 7.15. i'm still early. bwaha. and i have a feeling shafiqah's gonna be late. lols.

ooh, did i say i'm broke too..? like what else is new..

i wonder if that bowl of noodles on the dining table is still edible....

died-ed at 6:32 am
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Friday, March 05, 2004

skip to my lou, my darling..

Lost my partner what'll I do?

Lost my partner what'll I do?

Lost my partner what'll I do?

Skip to my lou,my darliing.

Lou, lou skip to my lou.

Lou, lou skip to my lou.

Lou, lou skip to my lou.

Skip to my lou,my darling.
I'll get another,a better one too.

I'll get another,a better one too.

I'll get another,a better one too.

Skip to my lou,my darling

Lou, lou skip to my lou.

Lou, lou skip to my lou.

Lou, lou skip to my lou.

Skip to my lou,my darling.

the career exhibition was bullshit. we ended going to fried chicken ass to eat and walked around suntec city mall like 3 times. and bump into mr yeo twice, pretending we were lost and stuff. and joked in the middle of nowhere. and then bumped into mrs sim and her butterhead juice and practically walked back to square 1 with her. but because of the NAFA phamplets and stuff, its a high possibility that mrs sim would bring us art students to the open house there. yeay. if not, i'll go on my own. yeap.

and i practically spent my whole day in school cutting out the mtv download templates and sticking them in my penny dreadful notebook.

im still bored. something's a miss...

"Can you help me I'm bent.

I'm so scared that I'll never,

get put back together.

You're breaking me in

and this is how we will end;

with you and me bent.."

died-ed at 4:59 pm
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Thursday, March 04, 2004

NEMO!!!!!!!!!

haha. my lil cousin was playing ard with bruce the shark from finding nemo and he was like "kak, ni shark..." and i was like.. "bukan, tu nemoooooo..." and he was like "sharkkkkkkkkkkkk" and i was like "nemoooooooo" and he was like "sharkkkkkkk" again and i was like "NEMO NEMO NEMO NEMO NEMO NEMO NEMOOOOOOOOO!" and he was like "SHARK SHARK SHARK SHARK SHARK SHARK SHARKKKKKKKK!"..... and it was like all noisy and stuff. and then i was like "DOOd, CHiLL!!!" and then we shutted up. haha.

and the previous paragraph was practically.. craziness.

anyways, to answer sops, i got 27/30 for physics. like yeayness! haha. see..? i can totally make it through man. who would have guessed..? i made an improvement of 16.5 points. lalalalalalala. and for chem..? i got 19.5/25.. heehee.. i had beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg smiles upon my face the whole day man. anyways, enough smiling and get started on amaths and art already. bahz.

khai's new blues electrical guitar recording is addictive baybeh! oh, and earworms are totally digging in weird songs in my head.. like.. lou lou, skip to my lou......

and the reason i sound like some bimbo right now is because... is because... im bored. )=

died-ed at 8:49 pm
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Wednesday, March 03, 2004

miss my honey many many

i miss john. then suddenly he came online. i was happy i was speechless. it had been days since i last contacted him. then we talk. abt loads of stuff. i hope he gets well soon. then msn had to screw up and i didnt get the msg fr him saying he was switching accounts. so i swore alot. heh. then the other account came online. i was paiseh-ed. yeay. my all-time slacko friend has come online. and i still haven't finished explaining the art shiznit for my experiments and the final possibilities. sheesh. no fair. slacko gets to eat at seoul garden for free... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

john.. *drools*=me,
-•- wake up and smell wat coffee??? -•-= shafiqah

-•- wake up and smell wat coffee??? -•- says:

geez

-•- wake up and smell wat coffee??? -•- says:

wheres the snow

john.. *drools* says:

snow?

-•- wake up and smell wat coffee??? -•- says:

uhuh

john.. *drools* says:

wat snow?

-•- wake up and smell wat coffee??? -•- says:

u know.. the ice thingy

john.. *drools* says:

uhh, yahhh

john.. *drools* says:

so what abt the snow?

-•- wake up and smell wat coffee??? -•- says:

yea.. so where is it??

john.. *drools* says:

not in singapore.

john.. *drools* says:

:S

john.. *drools* says:

i dont get it.

john.. *drools* says:

heh.

-•- wake up and smell wat coffee??? -•- says:

hah, go poke ur nose :b

this clearly shows that my honey has logged off. and slacko is shutting up and shafiqah is gone. and i am sleepy. or rather. gonna get my work done. yeap.

shearing, stretching.. shearing, stretching.. shearing stretching.. NICHOLAS! LEARN TO STRETCH YOUR PENIS! shearing, stretching.. shearing, stretching.. shearing, stretching..

died-ed at 11:14 pm
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Tuesday, March 02, 2004

[edit]

You are the beautiful and compassionate Queen. You are the epitomy of what every woman should be. You are confident, bold, aggressive, smart, womanly and feminine. You know the right thing to do and do it. You command respect and earn praise. You are moral and loving. In times of trouble, you draw strength from within, and are a source of strength for others.

Which Royalty Are You? Find out! By Nishi.

i only have one comment. I TOLD YOU, DON!!!!!! haha.

[/edit]

died-ed at 9:11 pm
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i survived!

i survived the day with a dollar and seventy cents baby! haha. with a dollar twenty, i got my hungry soul a tuna puff and a sausage bun. that to last me till lunch. oh, the fifty cents? some drink i merely took without looking at its colour. oh, it tastes like grape, but its not ribena. bwaha. go figure. so during lunch, i managed with a egg-mayo on a peice of bread that is covered with mould(sp?). and that obviously shows that the whole damn loaf had been sitting in the bread "cabinet" for over 2 weeks. whatever.

finally i see my brother again after 3 days. which seems like a fortnight. heh. i soo need to talk to him. but to open up first? i have an ego as big as the universe.

me and shan are sooo hooked on all saints. saints or sinners? definately sinners. bwaha.

shan hates bvlgari. or rather, she can't breathe when i use bvlgari. sorry hon, i'll go get a new scent soon just for you baby..

"I'm moving,

I'm coming,

Can you hear, what I hear

It's calling you my dear

Out of reach

I can hear it, calling you

I'm coming not drowning

Swimming closer to you...."

and oh, i just agreed during recess that i'd do the grafitti for the SJAB shirt. that for a meal. and a drink. heh. and i'm not even in that cca. geez.

died-ed at 7:48 pm
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Monday, March 01, 2004

indulgence.

the reason for my silence whenever i eat is because i love to savour every single taste that's there to offer to my taste buds.

and its not because i count to forty before swallowing my food.

i love chatting with don, cos we'll both end up dissing each other. or rather, i'll end up dissing the size of his princess sophia and he'll get so pissed he'll block me. bwahahaha.. i'm the queen of the world! so, HAHA don. do the nation proud and serve us already.

i'm left with a dollar for tomorrow and wednesday. heh. i have no idea where my money disappeared. i never beleived in the money tree. but.. PLEASE APPEAR IN FRONT OF ME. PLEASE.......

died-ed at 5:35 pm
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immortal;

myz iQah. atiQ. tiQue. 050588. malay + arab + indonesian + chinese = pulchritudinous & lovely. art student. die hard fan of sunny. ex-rosythian. ~~current~~ bowenian and ain't proud of it. often vacillating. unwell. unappreciated. miss undazstood. bloginality is INTP. foreign malay converser. eccentric. very much in love with HERSELF. and him.

living and dead;

&loves coldplay. the ataris. linkin park. oasis. cheese. tiramisu cheesecake. pasta. cookies. cap Qs. starwars. graffiti. stephen king and isla dewar.
&hates microwave dinners. drifters. malay essays. show offs. drama queens. not being able to locate stuff. scrubbing my bedroom wall clean.

coffins;

^ FlipandSplog
^ i-mockery
^ mutedfaith
^ necrotic obsession
^ yahoo album
^ the other yahoo album
^ PennyArcade
^ RoundRobin
^ SlackersComix
^ Three-Thirteen
^ unofficial bw forum

mourners;

+ airell
+ amirah
+ ayu
+ bev
+ bnard
+ breakblaze
+ ceetee
+ elvish popstar
+ had
+ ida
+ ili
+ jason
+ jerald
+ joyce
+ lil meer
+ maygalai
+ nina
+ pinkpeach
+ rachel
+ rafie
+ ray
+ r.y.x.
+ shafik
+ shafiqah
+ shan
+ sharee
+ shez
+ spookey
+ urbanini
+ widee

words of wisdom;

"The difference between the rich and the poor:
Poor people say,'I can't afford it'.
Rich people say,'How can I afford it'."
source: Rich dad, Poor dad.

your will;

Thagboard Mehssage.

mourner;

coffin;

speak; (emo?)