Saturday, June 19, 2004

start bending me,

it's never enough.

i feel all your pieces.


start bending me,

keep bending me,

until i'm broken.



died-ed at 1:21 pm
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Friday, June 18, 2004

EVERYTHING IS SO PHREAKINGLY PSEUDO. WHY DON'T WE JUST ALL CUT THE ACT, SHOOT OURSELVES AND JUST DIE?

cos that'd make my life easier. oh, but i'd be dead.














the only thing that's worth smiling for in my life is that although i sounded awful on radio just now, i won the freaking keane cd.


died-ed at 7:16 pm
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Thursday, June 17, 2004

desperado.

desperado,

why don't you come to your senses?

you been out ridin' fences for so long now

oh, you're a hard one

i know that you got your reasons

these things that are pleasing you

can hurt you somehow


don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy

she'll beat you if she's able

you know the queen of hearts is always your best bet


now it seems to me, some fine things

have been laid upon your table

but you only want the ones that you can't get


desperado,

oh, you ain't getting no younger

your pain and your hunger, they're driving you home

and freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talking

your prison is walking through this world all alone


don't your feet get cold in the winter time

the sky won't snow and the sun won't shine

it's hard to tell the night time from the day

you're loosing all your highs and lows

ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?


desperado,

why don't you come to your senses?

come down from your fences, open the gate

it may be raining, but there's a rainbow above you

you better let somebody love you, before it's too late..


died-ed at 4:17 pm
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Tuesday, June 15, 2004

down down down

i can't breathe through my nose cos mucus is clogging up both holes. i can breathe through my mouth but it'll hurt my throat even more cos my throat will be dryer and it would just further stimulate the itch that's already clogged up inside. my temperature's not dropping either. i won't be going to see the doctor. and there's no panadols left. so i guess i just have to wait for momma to come back from the market with my darling strepsils. that is if she remembers getting them for me.


my little cousins are staying over for an unknown period of time. maybe until the day they have to move into their new house which is going to be like uber near to my school, and my house and i hope my sister goes there often. but no, i doubt she would be allowed to do so, considering her incapability to multiply digits properly at the age of ten. so there goes peace in the house for a little while. there goes my motivation to study for my mid-years. there goes the intention of starting on my 2 colour schemes that i still have not decided on what kind of techniques that i should be using. and to think that i've got an emaths and an amaths paper to complete before 5pm 4.30 pm today and all the physics and chemistry papers by 4.30 pm tomorrow, cos i'll be missing tuition next week because they feel that i need to take a break at some ulu port dickson and melacca, is really bugging me because i can't keep myself focused. okay, that sentence was rather confusing. anyhows, the bottomline is: if i don't get started on some serious studying already, already i have started quite a lot since school let out, i'm gonna get my ass on fire when i get my results on.. whenever.


fuck. that was like an update of my life or something. i feel like those people who bitches about every detail of their day of their mundane lives.


my youngest sister is a spoilt brat. sometimes i wonder why she bothers growing a year older each year when she learns nothing from the previous one.








you. yeah you. i would like to congratulate you on your single digit IQ.


ooh, it's phlagm that i'm blowing out of my nose. not mucus.. yummy, greenish-yellowish phlagm..



died-ed at 10:47 am
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Monday, June 14, 2004

Ku lari ke hutan kemudian menyanyiku

Ku lari ke pantai kemudian teriakku

Sepi.. Sepi dan sendiri aku benci

Ingin bingar aku mau dipasar

Bosan aku dengan penat

Enyah saja engkau pekat

Seperti berjelaga jika kusendiri

Pecahkan sahaja gelasnya biar ramai

Biar mengaduh sampai gaduh

Ada malaikat menyulam jaring labah-labah belang ditembok keraton putih

Kenapa tak goyangkan sahaja locengnya biar terdera

Atau harusku lari ke hutan, belok ke pantai?


when life gives you that many chances, and you don't know which one to take, what do you do? when life gives you so many friends, and you don't know which one to trust, what do you do? when friends give you so many promises, and you don't know which one really mean it, what do you do? when bonds seem very promising and hopeful, and you don't know which ones are forever, what do you do? when life was just right for you, and then everything just crumbles down the very next day, what do you do? when you think that you've done your best to please others, and you get critisized for other things, what do you do? when family seems so perfect in the exterior, and you know nothing is really right, what do you do? when you know that everyone is drifting away, what do you do? what do you really do?


one night, the moon asked me,"if your friends don't talk to you anymore, why don't you just leave them?". i looked at the moon and asked,"moon, would you ever leave your sky?".. i'm not a drifter. i'm not a drifter. i'm not a drifter. cutting ties isn't something that i would do. i know how it feels. it hurts. it hurts. it hurts. it hurts a whole damn lot. that is why i don't want to be attached to any person. not to a single person. not my family, not my friends, not anyone. i don't want to experience the feeling of losing someone dear. i don't want to experience the feeling of being rejected, being ditched. i don't want to be attached emotionally with anyone in the world. and that, appears to be my greatest challenge. apart from being normal.


isn't it weird that the phone rings, and you don't know who it is, but you know you have to answer it? it's just the same with life. chances come, people stumble by, challenges arise. but they are never direct. you don't know if they are going to benefit you in any way. but you have to face them. and bloody hell, we've got no choice. because if we the chance slips away, life can totally suck.


died-ed at 6:38 pm
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