Sunday, February 22, 2004

hunger.

my stomach has been playing this stupid hard-core-rock-to-the-max song since light years ago. mommy and daddy's working. my brother's out and kiki is out for the art lesson. mira's sleeping. i think. and i am hungry. but its okay. i have john to feed me with his love right now. *blushes* :D tomorrow i'm supposed to hand in the option of which i have a choice to retain or to drop literature in english. i do wish to drop. but i guess its for my own good if i wish to take journalism later on. and as a backup plan if my other humanities screw up. i am screwed up. humanities. which reminds me of the common test tomorrow on development and stuff. heh. so maybe i'm gonna continue literature, suffer enjoy those literary lessons and stuff. yeap. gotta find the grass is singing and start reading already. and now i feel like typing down the whole of cleaning out my closet.


have you ever been hated or discrimated against? i have. i have been protested and demonstrated against, picket signs for my wicked rhymes look at the times, sick is the mind of the motherfuckin' kid that's behind. all these commotion, emotion run deep as oceon's explodin' tempers flaring from parents, just blow 'em off and keep goin' not takin' nothin' from no one,give 'em hell long as i'm breathin', keep kickin' ass in the mornin', an' takin' names in the evening, leave 'em with a taste as sour as vinegar in they mouth, see they can trigger me but they'll never figure me out, look at me now, I bet ya' probably sick of me now, ain't you mama,imma make you look so ridiculous now. i'm sorry mama, i never meant ta hurt you. i never meant ta make ya cry but tonight, i'm cleanin' up my closet. one more time, i said i'm sorry mama, i never meant to hurt you. i never meant ta make ya cry but tonight, i'm cleanin' up my closet. i've got some skeletons in my closet i don't know if anyone knows it so before they throw me in ma coffin and close it, imma expose it. i'll take you back to '73, before I ever had a multi-platinum sellin' Cd, I was a baby, maybe I was just a couple of months, my faggot father must have had his pantie's up in a bunch, cause he split, I wonder if he even kissed me goodbye,no I don't on second thought, I just fuckin' wished he would die, I look at Hailie and I couldn't picture leavin' her side, even if I hated Kim, I grit my teeth and I'd try, to make it work with her at least for Hailie's sake, I maybe made some mistakes but i'm only human, but i'm man enough to face them today, what I did was stupid, no doubt it was dumb, but the smartest shit I did was take them bullets out of that gun, cause id'a killed 'em, shit I would have shot Kim and him both, it's my life, i'd like to welcome y'all to the Eminem show. i'm sorry mama, i never meant to hurt you. i never meant to make you cry but tonight i'm cleaning up my closet. i said im sorry mama, i never meant to hurt you. i never meant to make you cry but tonight i'm cleaning up my closet. Now I would never diss my own mama just to get recognition, take a second to listen who you think this record is dissin', but put yourself in my position, just try to envision witnessin'your Mama poppin' prescription pills in the kitchen, bitchin' that someone's always goin' through her purse and shits missin', going through public housing systems, victim of Munchausen's syndrome, my whole life I was made to believe I was sick when I wasn't 'til I grew up, now I blew up, it makes you sick to ya' stomach, doesn't it, wasn't it the reason you made that Cd for me, ma, so you could try to justify the way you treated me, ma, but guess what, your gettin' older now and it's cold when your lonely, and Nathan's growing up so quick, he's gonna know that your phoney, and Hailie's getting so big now, you should see her, she's beautiful, but you'll never see her, she won't even be at your funeral, see what hurts me the most is you won't admit you was wrong, bitch, do your song, keep tellin' yourself that you was a mom, but how dare you try to take what you didn't help me to get, you selfish bitch, I hope you fuckin' burn in hell for this shit, remember when Ronnie died and you said you wished it was me, well guess what, I am dead, dead to you as can be! I'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you cry. but tonight i'm cleaning up my closet. i said im sorry mama, i never meant to hurt you, i never meant to make you cry but tonight i'm cleaning out my closet.


died-ed at 10:58 am
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Saturday, February 21, 2004

the one by sunny

You are the one I trust,

You are the one I care

Being your friend is such a must

For then I could follow you everywhere


But it seems that you are feeling very low

You are'nt the one I used to know

The friend I knew was bubbly and funny

She was as sweet as honey


You gave me the spirit to carry on

When i felt that life sucks

You gave me hope that i felt was gone

And, admittedly... to you i am stuck


I may have a thinking that is naive

But, let me be the one to comfort you

I may not have experienced all you have

But a friend to you, i will be true


All you have to do is tell me

Tell me what is bothering you

I will be the best a friend can be

And maybe, somehow, help you


You say your afraid of hurting me

That, no matter what you don't want to lose me

You know i dont want to lose you too

Cause strangely, i've fallen in love with you


Time can heal all wounds, but scars will remain

But, being the friend that i am

I will be there to ease your pain

Even when you tell me to scram


I cant say that i'll solve your problems

Neither can i make you forget them

But i will try my very best

To help you get through life's tests


I really, truly do love you

I cant promise ill always be there

But ill be there if im needed by you

Cause for you, my heart and soul i would bare


Now please, all i want is an answer

Whether or not i can help you

You know i will hurt you never

For like i said, i truly do love you

Now and forever


now.. ain't that sweet..


died-ed at 11:53 am
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just my imagination.

There was a game we used to play

We would hit the town on Friday night

And stay in bed until Sunday

We used to be so free

We were living for the love we had and

Living not for reality


It was Just my imagination


There was a time I used to pray

I have always kept my faith in love

It's the greatest thing from the man above

The game I used to play

I've always put my cards upon the table

Let it never be said that I'd be unstable


It was Just my imagination


There is a game I like to play

I like to hit the town on Friday night

And stay in bed until Sunday

We'll always be this free

We will be living for the love we have

Living not for reality


It's not my imagination


Not my imagination.


happiness seems to be light years away.


died-ed at 10:41 am
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Thursday, February 19, 2004

karangan shiznit.

i only like the introduction for my higher malay essay on "seperti labah-labah cintakan telurnya" or something like that. and since i am damn bored listening to my sister's avril lavigne mp3s and lazy to change the playlist, i'll post the marvellous intro here. heh.


Cinta seseorang ibu terhadap anaknya tidaklah sama seperti cinta-cinta yang lain. Cinta seseorang ibu suci dan amat mendalam hinggakan dia sanggup melakukan apa sahaja untuk kebahagiaan anaknya. Cinta seseorang anak bukanlah sesuci dan mendalam dibandingkan dengan cinta seseorang ibu. Sebenarnya, cinta seseorang anak suci, seperti air yang jernih. Namun, kesuciannya dikotori oleh pengaruh-pengaruh yang menyebabkan anak itu untuk terpesong dan mengikut jalan yang sesat. Cinta seseorang anak bagaikan air jernih, di dalam bekas yang berdebu. Zahirnya kotoran itu terlihat kesucian yang terlindung jua. Aku pernah menjadi anak yang terpesong itu....


heh. the last part sounded like that malay song. i know. bahz. i want to eat bread. i'm gonna eat bread. yeap. bread. k lah. whatever.


JOHN. WHERE ARE YOU?


died-ed at 7:09 pm
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Wednesday, February 18, 2004

laughter IS the best medicine.

okay. soz i failed physics. and got the pink slip. so what. i can still buck up right? now i'm on a mission: to find a tutor for phy/chem. ANY TAKERS OUT THERE????


soz anyways, i was all down and stuff. but heh, thank God for small favours and friends like jason and shafiqah and maya and aznita and tinesh and ghim hock and hafiz jamal(surprise surprise) and asyikin who made me laugh laugh and laugh my troubles away, at least for a while. had real fun sitting in the canteen, blowing my nose, watching shafiqah dipping the choc-wafer-like-biscuit into her chocolate dutch lady milk, laughing at the stupidest things, making fun of the sec 1 guy, picking on aznita's food, trying to stimulate maya's need to vomit, complaining abt someone, and laugh laugh laugh and laugh. heh. yeap. then we walked quite a distance to go and get maya's dad's specs. and then i had to pee, which i didnt until an hour later. and shafiqah, if you're reading this, you don't look good in specs and don't think of coloured contacts. you're already pretty the way you are and i think i found you a gay friend. heh. and ooh, at hg interchange, there were these two guys asking for donation and stuff. i thought one of them was malay, but of course, he was chinese. aah. handsome. bleahz. and i shook his hand. and his friend's of course. heh. they were polite. at least they know how to ask for donation.. unlike.. *ME*. walked ard hg mall looking for a notebook for shafiqah, sucking on our honey sticks..*thanks ghim hock*.. and ooh, ghim hock is a touching guy. heh. heard his love story. :)


im hungry. my mucus is overflowing. my genitals itch to pee. and my eyeslids are like 15kg worth of weights. each. so tirra.




i want a new hand phone..






i miss him. i miss him. i miss him.


died-ed at 6:08 pm
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Tuesday, February 17, 2004

11 lessons in life..

got this from khairi in an email.. kinda meaningful.. take a read..


1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, But what is more
painful is to love someone and never find the courage
to let that person know how you feel.


2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you,
only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.


3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with,
never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.


4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.


5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.


6. Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.


7. Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.


8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you,it probably hurts the person too.


9. A careless word may kindle strife; a cruel word may wreck a life; a timely word may level stress; a loving word may heal and bless.


10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.


11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.




died-ed at 6:11 pm
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Monday, February 16, 2004

deep thoughts.

deep thoughts may be funny. esp this one:


shan:i wonder how urine tastes like..

me:siao arh. how am i supposed to know..?

victor:ya loh. and we're supposed to be talking abt acid rain in europe here..

shan: sweet or sour arh?

me: salty.

victor: no, no.. bitter.

(laugh laugh laugh. everyone laugh)

victor: i don't know larh. all i know is that its hot.

shan: eh, how you know? you got taste before arh?

me: aiyah, when you urinating that time you get a jist of the temperature wat..!

shan: ya hor..

(laugh laugh laugh. everyone laugh again)

victor: i still think its sour. eh no, should be sweet larh..

(laugh laugh laugh)

shan: you put so much thought to it. it was just a neurotic question. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.


aaaanyways, went to JB yesterday. yeap. mugged at the pondok, did some emaths and amaths. then waited for dad to come back from the garden thang then we went to eat at pantai lido. yummylicous fun. heh. was damn damn damn damn full. but, ugh, i didn't get my ramlees. but hey, i got my goreng pisand with the sambal. that's the only time i eat goreng pisang. malaysia style.. anyway, on the way to the garden thang, this thing came up: (yes i'm into posting-the-scenario-of-the-day thang today)


me: what kind of a driver is that? smoking and driving at the same time..?

mommy: takpe, malaysia boleh.

(3 mins passed and a pathetic car is driving slowly in front and some construction at the side of the road)

dad: what kind of a driver is this? and whaaat are they trying to do over there? tak betul punya orang..

me: takpe, malaysia boleh..


and uh, no offense to malaysia. yeap.


died-ed at 4:01 pm
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