Sunday, February 15, 2004

to my valentine atiqah

this is for my valentine atiqah,who i love and chrish more then life itself,and will never leave my heart,shes my heart my soul,atiqah,I LOVE YOU AND ALLWAYS WILL

YOUR TRUE LOVE JOHN


died-ed at 12:54 pm
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i felt a pang.

one of my friends has this on her msn nick "have any of you sacrificed your love for others?" and then suddenly memoirs of old times played right in front of me.. i have sacrificed. twice. i repeated a stupid mistake. even though, literally, the two different scenarios are different. but in both scenarios, i was the only who got hurt despite the fact that i know he's going to be happier the way we ended up taking. i can forgive the best friend who stole the boyfriend away. but i can't forgive them for not working out when problem arises and broke up just a week into their relationship. i don't know why i helped the guy friend when he needed serious help with dating. i knew had feelings for him. i can't forgive myself for not opening up earlier. i hate those anonymous poems i wrote. i hate those sleepless nights knowing i can never change the way things were. the way things are.


there are times that i think of them.. still regretting. still yearning for their love in return.. but then i think of john and i'm thankful that i have him, even though not always by my side, but always in my heart. i love you. yeap. i really do.


died-ed at 11:57 am
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Saturday, February 14, 2004

sick sick sick.

[ edit ]

great. i have to be sick on valentines. heh. i don't have a date anyways. but still. SICK ON VALENTINES. like lord, have mercy on my soul. please. its like suddenly my nose is flooded with mucus and the pipe down my throat is choked with excess phlagm that i cannot seem to get rid off. if i can get at least get rid of the phlagm and the mucus at the same time, at least i can find joy of being sick. oh i hope i get fever tomorrow. madrasah. heh. or not, i'm supposed to get out of singapore. i WANT AND NEED to get out of this loophole.


well, till then, blissful time with mucus and maths homework. ooh. art. i soo need to mucus, i mean focus, on art. not that i'm off task...


whatever.

[ /edit ]


died-ed at 9:17 pm
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happy valentines day, myz iqah

gosh. everyone has a valentine. i do too. only that mine is over at ughmerica. and that i cant really go out on a date with him today. pathetic pathetic pathetic. so guess how i ended up spending my saturday morning:


tryinna clear off this stupid sore from my throat. the phlagm just won't get out. i guess its trying to keep the sweetness of my voice to itself. heh. that's what dhanial told me. aah, dhanial. gave me a shock this morning. called me all the way from germany just to wish me a happy valentine. how thoughtful.. so did sham and rizam and rauf and alex and desmond and andrew(the old tuition friend).. aah, andrew. i regretted not telling him the way i felt. bleahz. anyways, yeap, had breakfast with mommy and daddy. yeap just me, mummy and daddy of freshly baked baguette and butter and strawberry jam and stuff. of course, i didn't take the jam. i don't want to lose my voice any further. completed reading the sandra brown book nurul lent me, made 4 new layouts and NOT INTENDING TO USE ANY OF THEM. heh. i was bored! and oh, went around bloghopping and wishing people a happy valentines and stuff.. watch loads of vid clips and listening to coldplay and the cranberries. and incubus. and placebo. and linkin park. and linkin park again. yeap. i'm bored.


and out of all the hours i wasted, i still haven't taken my morning shower.


died-ed at 1:45 pm
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Friday, February 13, 2004

along came polly.

was quite a sweet movie. heh. went out with sops and stuff. stupid blind me saw 73 as 70 so i had to stop at the blardie packed serangoon garden circus bus-stop and take 315 to the interchange and stuff.


wenta hmv after the movie. i sooo wanna get that ataris cd. like damn damn damn damn i so love them. after coldplay that is. oooh, coldplay. i would like to thank the hmv stuff for playing the coldplay life in concert or sth throughout the long wait for sop's liberty x cd. yeap. thanks hmv. coldplay just rawks the shitznits outta me.


its widee's birthday today. AND SO IS JOHN'S. and i cant be at both parties. damn damn damn. why must john be located in ughmerica. and this means no valentines with him too. ugh. ugh. ugh. anyways, mrs guna flashed some ppnt thingy on love which is uber sweet. there's one particular quote that i loved that i added on the left.


jason: you ate the sweet?

me:yeah, its mine. doh.

jason:how can you eat the sweet? too much sweets is bad for you. i die young, never mind. but you, are a treasure to the world


now, aint that sweet..?


died-ed at 10:22 pm
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Thursday, February 12, 2004

crazy day

school was simply truely purely crazy. yeap. and i haven't got the energy to type it all down. its recorded in my memory anyways, so who cares. i'm stuck on stuck by SO. heh. yeap yeap. so i'm going out with sops tomorrow. yeayness. heh.


i really have no reason to update this shiet.


died-ed at 7:01 pm
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Wednesday, February 11, 2004

newspaper quit shitznit.

first newspaper quiz for english


qn: how many people had died due to the bird flu?

ans: 20.


qn: how many chickens from ubin will be *idunnowhat i dunnowhat* and consumed by *something something*?

ans: 20. (and jason's reasoning for this stupid answer:that's how many we guessed died.)


school's getting lamer and drier and much more effed up by the day. i hate it. like geez geez geez. every day there's a whole ton of e-math and a-math homework. i have loads of tests coming up, class test, common tests.. they don't make an utter difference anyways. and i haven't done a single photography assignment at all.. and why? cos meetings are on thursdays and i've got higher malay and i don't seem to be bothered to ask what the eff is going on with that lamered cca of mine.


everyone's going kookanathan(kay, this is a word created by dunch noe who which i use whenever i feel like it. its like meaningless, so you gotta guess the meaning.) over william hung. over at friendster, loads of william hung. in msn, nicks esp for william hung, avatars with william hung on it. and in class, chinaboy looks like william hung. sounds like him too. i mean his ultimate fluency in conversing in the english language.


and its all sop's fault that i sms alot in class. just because he doesn't have to go to school because of indigestion, he sms me alot during class time. but, heh. i don't mind. bleahz. cos i'll get bored getting irritated by jia le. and me and shan'll run out of songs to sing, or we'd irrated kularesh. which is a bad thang cos kula finds us very lame, which is true. this is a long entry. who cares. i'm giving blogging a bad name. heh. my rants are getting stupider and turning into subjects of mass unconcern.


im getting blinder, too.


died-ed at 8:40 pm
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Tuesday, February 10, 2004

new layout.

YEAYNESSSSSSS! heh. new layout. and oh, tiring day. and i've got 3 tests tomorrow. so i have gotta go and study. so bleahz. and uh, tahz?


died-ed at 8:09 pm
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Monday, February 09, 2004

wanna know a secret?

wanna know a secret? i hate you to the fucking bits. you always get what you want, the way that you want. you never give in to others, despite the fact that you're older. i always had to give in to you. i had to do things for you. you told me to help, but you're not lifting your own fucking finger. what's your point? i don't know if you are ever gonna read this, but if you are, then read the first sentence again. and i don't give a damn if the feeling is mutual. when you were my age, you had nothing to worry about but your damn studies and your damn life. so would you and everybody else cut me some slack. like hello, i want to ace this major exam too okay. i still have a chance to beat you, even though i doubt i can. but when there's something i really want, there's nothing that can come between me and my goal. you understand? all i ask is for you to cut me some slack. just cut me some slack. will you fucking cut me some slack? there are many others whom i wished have taken over your place. cos you simply don't care. is that your defination of a good relation? if it is, go knock yourself with a super huge hammer for stepping into my life.


and oh,


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died-ed at 4:51 pm
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